I am having a hard time. I am trying so hard not to complain because I know I have got it good (I don't live in Myanmar). The last 8 weeks of any of my pregnancies have always been the most challenging. For one thing, I am huge and can't seem to even walk up the stairs without running out of breath. Lately, I have struggled though mostly with the kids that I'm not incubating. Spencer has been sick and needs me for everything, Kaylee will not do anything that I ask her to, Brad is going through a growth spurt and is therefore rather grumpy and tired all the time.
I am especially struggling with Kaylee, she is a challenge! I have to ask her at least three times to do anything and usually end up getting upset which I hate. No incentives work for her. Yesterday, I told the kids we would go get ice cream if they got their jobs done. At 7:00 Kaylee still hadn't done her jobs and so she didn't get ice cream. She was upset for a little while but then just got over it and never did finish her chores. I feel like I am at a loss. I could use any advice, especially in the case of little missy. I know the boys are just going through a rough patch but Kaylee has been like this for almost 6 years. I don't like feeling like I don't like her, because I really love her so much I just can't seem to get through to her.
So here are my quandries:
How can I get Kaylee to help out better??????
How can I make the next 8 weeks seem not so miserable????
HELP!!!!!
11 who goes there?:
I am so sorry. I wish I knew what to even say to help. I see those same personality traits in Chloe -- people always say, Oh, it's just a phase, but I often wonder if she's developing her character right now -- and I don't want that to be her character!
Is she always like this or does it just seem like it? If I am really paying attention, I notice that Chloe is good more than she is bratty. But that takes a lot of effort, especially when you're tired from growing another human being inside of your body. I KNOW this! Anyway, I hope things get better. I'll be thinking of you while trying not to scream my head off at Chloe.
I found you through Adrienne's blog...hope that's okay. Anyhow, it Jenni (cameren's mom from preschool) and I just wanted to say hi and I TOTALLY know how you feel. I have been going through this with Cam for the past 6 years as well and I have NO idea what to do...it seriously seems to be getting worse! Anyhow, if you would like to look at my blog...it's private so just email me at jen_0817@yahoo.com and I can add you to my list. It's fun to see you guys and what you are up too. Your kids are adorable....and I'll be looking back to see if you get any amazing advice...also for the great preggo advice...I could use that too! :)
Boy I wish I were some kind of experienced, amazing mother who could give you advice, Lys.
If it helps though... just remember you're a good (no--GREAT) mom. A lot of mothers do a lot of worse things to their kids then snap at them when they get annoying. But I can empathize with the need for progress, even if I can only sympathize for the struggles of motherhood.
I love you and I'll pray for you to find answers to your quandries!
Sit her down look her right in the eye or eyes since she has two and ask her why she isn't doing what you ask, maybe communicate with her how it makes you feel when she doesn't listen and that you could really use her help and if she doesn't make her sit in a corner or something until she is ready to help, then if she still doesn't grab the wooden spoon and paddle her butt!! Ok ok like I really know!! I'm no mother. That advise is just a mixture of Nanny 911 and MOM!! HAHA.. I do think you are an amazing mother though, Kaylee is just really special and is her own little and she's a girl!! Girls are difficult!! You'll be ok. I love you and you can always call me to vent or have Kaylee talk to me or something!! Love you Sis!!
You know Lys from the day Kaylee was born I have told you just to love her, love her, love her. And then mix in a whole bunch of prayer!!! She is a very lucky little girl to have come to your home and have two parents that love her sooooo much. With her it always seems to be baby steps....so just keep on going and in the end she will be perfect!!!!
Alysia, can I just say how much better I feel after reading your post? I know your intent was to give us the opportunity to help YOU, but the great thing is that we are all in this together (I just started singing a song with those lyrics - High School Musical? I have no idea). Anyway - every mom in the ENTIRE world has felt the exact same things, so don't be hard on yourself. I think one of the better pieces of advice I ever heard, was to spend 10 minutes every day having one-on-one time with your child. Easier said than done, as sad as that sounds. But I swear when I started making an effort to do whatever they wanted for 10 minutes without the other sibling, their behavior changed almost immediately. And I concur with your mom - even if it IS her character permanently (which I doubt), you have to tell her every hour of every day how much you love her. If I were in her shoes, that is what I would want to hear. It is not hard to tell, even without seeing you on a regular basis (or ever, really) that you are an incredible mom. The fact that you want to help her, proves it. Keep doing what you are doing. And like Julie, when I snap at Josie tomorrow, I'll think of you.
Here's an idea; when Kaylee starts acting up just snap your fingers and shake your head like Claire Huckstable and say, "girlfriend, oh no you ditn't!" Or you could try the whole "just love her" thing. Take your pick...
OK seriously, what would I know, I am just your little brother and Marissa is only 6 months old so she is still in her pre-diva stage, but I think that it might help to have a "shiz has hit the fan" type talk with her. I think part of her deal is that she is so smart that she pushes the envelope as far as possible. I see it being kind of like that intervention show where both you and Collin are there with just her and you let her know how much you love her but that her behavior is not acceptable and that if it doesn't stop she's gonna regret it. That might be too militant, but I think that by addressing it one on one with her you can find the right words to say to let her know that you do not plan on spending the next 12 years or so arguing with her.
That's just a suggestion. Just remember that Kaylee Nicole Cook is one-in-a-million. The Lord would not have sent her to you if he didn't think you could help her to meet and exceed her potential. I guarantee you that you will get through it all. This too shall pass. Love ya Lys.
no advice here...but if you need a break once in awhile or someone to help you fold laundry, I'm just a phone call away. You're doing a great job by the way :) we all get crazy once in awhile!
I know it's best to praise as much as you can, but sometimes you need something a little tougher. Kristen told me a few years ago about something she heard at Education Week. Her kids had to have their jobs done by the next meal time or they wouldn't get to eat. When she first told me I thought it was a bit extreme, but I have since implemented it. It's great.
Another thing I have decided to do is listen to hymns and conference talks as often as I can. I kept telling myself I'd be a better mother as soon as I could read those five parenting books on my nightstand, but I just never seem to get to them. Then one day I remembered that studying the gospel changes behavior faster than studying behavior. Maybe that will help bring the Spirit and you'll be able to figure out what to do with Kaylee?
I find the "get in the car, I'm dropping you guys off at the reservation" seems to work for me (very short-lived). Just choose your battles, my friend, then sit down and have a Diet Coke. Also, think of how well this little "tude" of hers is going to serve her in the battles of peer pressure.
Hang in there, my friend!
i found your blog through cheryl's :) hope you don't mind me commenting. I graduated in family human development with emphasis in child development. my favorite "theory" on teaching your kids is the "Love and Logic" practice. You can google and do some research on this practice...it is about giving them options and letting her choose.
I also agree with your sister - great advice is to sit her down and have the eye to eye talk. Let her know that it is not working for you when she doesn't do what you ask. I also like the advice to give her 10 min a day with just her...
Good luck! i was happy to see your cute little family too!
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